Subject: Unmanageable? Me?
Date: July 1, 2012 06:04
To: BitsyTwenty one days in my Fifty Shades 12-Step Program and counting . . . . . .
For some reason Stanly decided my behavior has become “unmanageable”?? Well to be honest, he called me “psychotic”! A bit much, don’t you think??? ALL I WANTED WAS AN “ANA STEELE ORGASM” WITH A FULL BLADDER! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR GOD’S SAKE???
Anyway, he might as well have sentenced me to death—–this place is absolute HELL! There are signs all over the entrance, “NO TRILOGY ALLOWED”, “NO TRILOGY ALLOWED”, NO TRILOGY ALLOWED”! (I tried stuffing my Kindle down the back of my thong as Stanley checked me in, but even that didn’t work….)
No piercing grey eyes….. no perfectly hung pants…..no thick copper-tinted hair……no nothing. I’m kinda wishing he’d sent me to jail instead—at least I’d had a better chance of finding a twitchy palm or two.
Be a friend Bitsy, I’m on Book Two, Chapter Ten. Would you pleeeeease bring me Chapter Eleven when you visit? PRETTY PLEASE….? Anything you need to do….put a Bible cover on it, fold it up and stuff it in your bra…..anything!
Love Your Fifty-starved friend,
P.S. This is serious, Bitsy! I feel like my vagina’s drying up!!
Subject: Vaginal Dryness
Date: July 1, 2012 06:10
I’m sympathetic to your need, I really am….Book Two, Chapter Ten…..that’s a terrible spot to be in! Such erotic bliss stolen right from your hands…..that’s inhumane…..akin to slave-trafficking if you asked me! But I don’t know Fran….sneak Chapter Eleven to you??? Don’t you think I’ll get caught?? I hear this Program you’re in is VERY HARD CORE! Rumor has it, they do both anal and vaginal probes to any and all female visitors entering the facility…..I’ll do my best…..
Love from one SUB-wanna be to another,
P.S. I’ll give some thought to your “dry vagina”, that IS serious…..
Subject: No, we are not building a “Red Room of Pain” addition onto our house!!!
Date: July 1, 2012 06:30
In case you’re wondering (hopefully you are), the kids as well as your dog and mother are all fine. FYI, I’ve just informed the “higher ups” in your facility that you’ll be staying an extra 60 days from what we’d discussed. I was hoping to have you home in another 10 days, but when I arrived home from work today and couldn’t see the front door of our home because of your recent shipment of “toys” from UPS, I decided additional time might be necessary…..
Love your worn out, deflated, and forlorn husband,
From: Fran, aka “Christian Grey’s next sub”
Subject: One tiny favor….
Date: July 1, 2012 06:31
Could you be a dear for me and check to see if any of those packages at the front door have the “Extra Large Set of Ben wa Balls” I special ordered?
Love your vaginally-dry wife (its like a desert here),