Poorly Written and Plotless?” Fifty Shades is anything but…..

25 May
For those of you who have read reviews of your latest obsession, you are probably aware they are not glowing. “Poorly written” and “plotless” are two common criticisms. I beg to differ.
I mean come on here, let’s be honest. Not one of us cracked the cover with the expectation of finding Shakespearean literature within. But let’s be realistic on another point too. Who needs to even ask herself  “Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo”?  Once you’ve read James’s delicious description of the way Christian’s pants hang off his come hither hips, not to mention the hypnotic and sculptural quality she gives his….., you’re about as concerned with Romeo’s whereabouts as you are your 5th-grade math teacher’s.
I mean anyone who can make giving a BJ sound like visiting a confectionary shop has my respect. Heck, I’m halfway expecting to walk into my local juicery and find the “CG Special”, a creamy-colored, frothy treat, sold out no less.

And hence, back to my original point, poorly  written and plotless? This woman has captivated us. I don’t know one reader who hasn’t put their life on hold, delaying household chores, errands, friends, and yes, even their children’s needs as they lap up this book.  Dinners, homework, sports events, teacher conferences–all of it has been scheduled around the when, the where and the how of Anathasia’s latest orgasm. Wives everywhere are feeling the electric shocks of “the Christian Effect”, calling their husbands home from the office to hump like bunnies. Many of us may soon be growing long ears and a tail… And for those without easy access to their hubbies, I would venture to guess there has been quite a bit of self pleasure had. A word of advice, I would not approach a mother parked alone in a school parking lot without giving her due warning…wouldn’t want to ruin the moment.

It may not be long before we see the emergence of a “Fifty Shades” 12-step program….”yes, I am a “Fifty Shades addict”, “yes, my life has become unmanageable”, and “yes, I’m looking to my higher power to release me from the shackles (in this case, literally) of Christian Grey’s grip”. The pull of this book IS drug-like. Perhaps these critics need to hope the “CG Special” comes to their local juicery, after all, you aren’t really qualified to review a book without partaking in its “full flavor”….
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Posted by on May 25, 2012 in Fifty shades of grey


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