Fifty Shades Stimulus Package!

24 May
Thank you, thank you, thank you EL James for bringing Christian Grey into our lives….
I can’t speak for the rest of the nation, but in this sleepy southern town, filled with mini vans and soccer moms, “Fifty Shades” has enabled even some of our most conservative set to think (and act) outside of the proverbial sexual box.
Fortunately, none of OUR libraries have yet to ban the book. In my mind, that’s bordering on heresy. And of course, banning the books is all it takes to wipe away any and all lustful and lascivious thoughts, right? (It is interesting though as a side note, a librarian in one community that objected to the book so profusely, does still have the book, as reported, on her office desk with all the scandalous parts marked. How convenient for her. She gets paid to read this book!  I imagine she will continue to publicly object to this book for a good long while if she’s able to keep it close at hand with the “objectionable” parts marked for easy access. Has anyone checked her desk drawer? Bet her supply of batteries is not lacking. And yes, I would imagine she’s experiencing heightened levels of “satisfaction” from her job this spring….)
Why should any good- willed, law-abiding, tax-paying citizen have to endure such depravation and be prohibited the pleasure of reading about those long fingers, those stealthy hips with their perfectly hung pants, that beautiful thick copper hair and those stinging, piercing grey eyes?
Just think what this type of sexual censorship could lead to. The next thing you know, those same folks will be knocking on our doors trying to confiscate our Rabbits for crying out loud and then where will we be????
Banning E L James, really?? We need to be unabashedly thanking her.  This book has made America come alive!  In fact, mayors across America should be bowing down to her for what her imagination has done for their local economies. Let’s break this down. Book stores can’t keep it on the shelves, Hustler stores are smiling big and gas is being guzzled as moms everywhere are lingering at lights, in parking lots and even in their garages as they revel in thoughts of Christian’s playroom. It’s trickle-down economics at its best!
Not to mention, the production levels of many husbands have probably soared through the roof this spring.  They think they’ve died and gone to heaven,  willing half their estate to James if she would just write a fourth book. Thoughts of the shackles, the cuffs, the whips….testosterone levels are soaring. Even the secretaries they used to have afternoon quickies with are getting ignored so they can get home to their soccer wives turned sex slaves.  Look at the boom this is providing the sanctity of marriage, our nation’s oldest institution. That’s right, I would venture to say you are just plain un-American unless you read these books. Thank you again EL James, smack dab in the middle of an election year, you’ve shown us just what it means to be an American.
 I vote Obama should consider hiring this woman. Her “stimulus package” could compete with his any day. After all, there are plenty of women out their who, after reading James’ books, would pay good money to stimulate Christian’s package….
1 Comment

Posted by on May 24, 2012 in Fifty shades of grey


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One response to “Fifty Shades Stimulus Package!

  1. whitneypannell

    May 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Some of the best writing I’ve ever seen. Keep it up. Can’t wait til the next blog post!


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